That Time I Went Whole 30 - Day 2

Day 2 is a dumpster fire.

I FEEL like piping hot garbage.

Straight outta Facebook.

I had a headache and the bloating is uncalled for. I am offended by it. I feel like I will never have a normal bathroom habit again (and now I've probably offended you, but I am not sorry).

I sat at my desk at work all day and was basically propping my head up with my hand. I also wished I had something to keep my eyes propped open because I was exhausted. And so, so hungry.

The dinner meeting I had tonight was not something I was looking forward to. I had checked out the menu a couple days beforehand when I was feeling better and more optimistic and less like Day 2 of my Whole 30 would kill me. I did find some things I probably could have eaten, but then my stupid anxiety kicked in with the following thoughts:

"What kind of oil do you think they cook their meats in?"
"Do you think the seasonal veggies have butter in them?"
"I am going to look like an idiot in front of all these women, grilling the poor server on how the food is prepared."

And thus I decided to save an emergency snack for later in the afternoon, not order food at dinner, then pray my snack held me over and my willpower could withstand sitting at a table with 15+ women who were ordering what I was sure would be all kinds of gloriousness.

But onward we go. During lunch, I stopped at the grocery store and picked myself up a bottle of kombucha as a "you go girl" motivational treat. Also because I was praying that dumping some probiotics into my gut would relieve me of some of the gastrointestinal distress in which I was finding myself.

Sad desk lunch. Hello darkness my old friend.

Also, Gloria Gaynor's "I Will Survive" was on the radio on my way back to the office, so I took that as a sign.

My PM snack was an apple and almond butter, and I must have blacked out because I found myself eating the remaining almond butter I had portioned myself with a spoon after I had finished the apple.

Not my proudest moment, but I guess it's much better than blacking out into a questionable carton of ice cream.

The day did, in fact, take a turn for the better--even though my headache never seemed to go away no matter how much water I chugged.

At my meeting, they decided to handle business first and do dinner second. Lucky me! Just in time to stay for the good part and dip before appetizers hit the table.

Second win for the day: my child, who retains the title of pickiest eater in the world, LIKED THE DINNER I MADE. AND ATE ALL OF IT. AND THEN PICKED SOME OFF OF MY PLATE AND ATE THAT TOO.

Crockpot pulled pork, roasted potatoes, and steamed green beans with salt, pepper, and olive oil.

So, yeah. Day 2 was awful. I just want to go to the bathroom. This headache is the worst. My pants are tight. I need all the naps. I feel, generally, like shit.

Walt feels the same way, which makes me feel better in some sad, weird way. I am very grateful he has committed to doing this with me.

He is also amazed by the amount of dirty dishes we are generating. For the most part, we are pretty conscious of our carbon footprint, and have even switched to cloth napkins for day-to-day use. I would be lying if I told you I wasn't already fantasizing about switching to paper plates, napkins and plastic cutlery for the next 28 days.

But I love that man because he will talk me off the ledge, remind me that we are doing our part to save the turtles, and aren't making mother nature cry...so there's that.

Go back
Prep
Day 1

That Time I Went Whole30 - Day 1

Day 1 of the Whole 30 and I was here to kick some ass.

I was prepped, the refrigerator was ridiculously full, I was fretting over whether or not all the produce would go bad before we could consume it, and I had already done so many dishes. A good start!

To top it all off, I made homemade MAYO, you guys!

Pictured right next to my homemade Whole 30 compliant BBQ sauce which really didn't taste like BBQ sauce, but could pass as a pretty tangy ketchup and I'm pretty faked out by it so we will call it good.

I don't even LIKE mayonnaise. The sight of it alone usually triggers my gag reflex. But I know (from so many failed experiences) that you NEED condiments to make it through these 30 days. Avocado and guacamole can only get you so far. I also know that dipping foods in sauces is my favorite thing. Mayo is a good base for a lot of dips and aiolis. And when you also also know the nearest place you can actually purchase compliant condiments is a Whole Foods 40 miles away, and you are recovering financially from the holidays/family court battles/car accidents (like WTF Q4 2018), and the thought of spending $8 on a tiny jar of mayo makes you cringe, you do the damn thing in the kitchen.

#whole30hero on day one, you guys.

My low point of the day was at the very, very end. Peyton wanted ice cream for dessert and was super stoked about the "Birthday Party" flavor Pearl had picked out over the weekend. It has these weird pastel-colored pieces of what I can assume are cake, but I don't really understand what it is, exactly. It MELTS like ice cream, but it LOOKS like cake. Peyton swears that it is cake. I disagree. It makes me uneasy. It's a shapeshifter and therefore not to be trusted.

I would not have usually even entertained the idea of eating such an abomination, but as I was scooping it out of the carton and into Peyton's bowl, I was suddenly overwhelmed by this deep, profound, visceral reaction that I NEEDED TO LICK THE SPOON. Maybe even eat a scoop myself? The urge to put that ice cream in my mouth was so intense. I had to physically breathe through, put the lid on it, and throw that sucker back in the freezer with a quickness. I also considered padlocking the freezer door until the morning.

Sugar Dragon, I see you. Thy name is evil.

Walt was introduced to the concept of chia seed pudding, which I'm glad I prepped as an emergency snack because I needed it after the painful and ridiculous lure of questionable ice cream. Admittedly, I am not sure how Walt feels about chia seed pudding. I think he thinks I am some sort of weird hippie and now his future is just seeds that turn into slime when they're soaked in almond milk.

Go back:
The Prep Post

That Time I Went Whole30 - The Prep

I posted this blog post in January 2018 with high hopes and bold intentions. It was pretty gutsy.

LOL
LOL
LOL

Guess what?

That registered as attempt #4 on the "better luck next time, weakling!" Whole 30 wagon.

Like, seriously. Talk about commitment phobia. Especially when it involves removing all the good things in life, like Friday night cocktails and blocks of cheese (for real though, I don't even LIKE cheese that much--unless I can't have it and then I just want to bathe in it forever, gastrointestinal distress or bust).

I still very much stalk the Whole 30 Instagram account as well as Melissa Hartwig Urban's Instagram account (#girlcrushforever) because I want to do this, damnit! I want Tiger Blood. I need that mystical Week 3 amazing-nothing-can-stop-me-now feeling.

Around mid-December, I started paying a whole lot of attention to the ubiquitous #JanuaryWhole30 hashtag that started popping up in my social media feeds. I got the urge again, and this time I felt more confident in an attempt because I had a new means of motivation: Walt. Who better to hold you accountable than the person you love and live with and deals with all your crazy ideas?!

I asked him if he wanted to do this with me, and he agreed and immediately told me that once he learns the rules there is no going back for him. He was committed.

PERFECT.

I put my planning pants on, built a ridiculous meal plan, and used the Amazon gift card my boss gave me to order new food storage containers and mason jars, because nothing says "I am ready to kick Whole 30 ass" quite like new tupperware and miscellaneous food vessels.

I'm chronicling our Whole 30 deal right here--except because I'm not a food blogger, I'm not posting recipes and my photos are going to be crappy, poorly lit iPhone photos. You're welcome.

What I'm most looking forward to sharing here are how we're feeling, what worked, what didn't and all that fun stuff in between. I'm also using The Whole 30 Day by Day (not an affiliate link or anything like that, just sharing and also because I have no idea how to monetize this blog yet, namely because I never actually WRITE anymore) to chart my progress, and I'll share some of my entries from that as well.

So happy January, fam! Let's get this sugar-, grain-, gluten-, dairy-, alcohol-, legume-, MSG-, sulfite-free party started!

I'm exhausted already.