A Look Back at June

Oh, June.

You were so jam-packed. And while I'm happy you happened, I'm glad you are over.

If I were to honestly used two words to describe this last month, they'd be:

Fulfilling

and

Exhausting.

I don't mean to sound ungrateful. We celebrated an awful lot of amazing things this month:

The end of Preschool. We are off to Pre-K next year! I am really just so so so thrilled with Peyton's school. The educational and healthy living philosophies that this school embraces are just so awesome. I feel like we found our tribe there.

Blurry photos, because iPhone photographer I am not.

Several birthdays, including Peyton's 4th.

My big girl at her birthday party.
Her ear-to-ear smile all day made it all worth it.

Our very first dance recital.

So grateful to have found an activity that lets this diva's personality SHINE.

June is also the month that I had my inspiration for this space reignited. If I wasn't running around like a crazy person, my brain was moving a mile a second with plans, goals, and ideas. I'd lay in bed at night with my brain whirring along, constantly jumping out of bed to write something down or make a quick note in my Evernote app.

On top of in general running-around, rushed evenings, and just really being non-stop since June 1...I am breathing a sigh of relief that we all made it through the month in one piece.

What a month, in the grand scheme of things. What a blessing to have so many blessings!

My intention for the rest of the summer is to slow down and be present, and this past month is the very reason I chose those intentions. June was such a whirlwind, I feel like it was here and gone in no time at all, and all I am left with is the breathlessness and sense of "what just happened?!" that it brought on.

Things I'm looking forward to now that this crazy month is over:

• Making it to church as a family every week.
• Spending some time in our own backyard.
• Waking up on Saturday mornings and making breakfast for my family...and actually sitting down to enjoy it together.
• Lazy weekends with no concrete plans.

Finally! Peace in July.

I am going to soak it all in.

My Summer Bucket List & This Week's Intention

We officially have one week of Summer under our belts.

Where I come from, it's summer the second Memorial Day weekend starts, but last Sunday made it officially official.

It is Summer!

Immediately a thousand things and goals and fun activities started swirling around in my head. And then the dejection set in.

There is never enough time to do it all.

All my best laid plans...and only 11 weekends to cram it all in before Labor Day. It seems like a lot, but every year it flies by and I feel like I've blinked and then it's the first weekend in September, time to go back to school, and our social schedule starts humming with all the activities that come with a new school year.

So, for my Summer Bucket List, I quieted the voice in my mind that was screaming "DO ALL THE THINGS!" and wrote down two two-word statements:

Be present.

I feel like I woke up and the sweet little girl I cradled in my arms not too long ago is a whopping four years old and where did the time go? It sounds so cliche--you know you can blink and boom the time is gone--but really?!

The fact of the matter is, I am becoming increasingly aware that a minute goes by and I'm not getting that minute back once it's gone. That, friends, bums me out.

All those times I tried to cram in so much stuff into our summers, and do I really remember all of it? Really, no.

So, I am making it a point to continually be present in the moments we get to share. The sights, the sounds, the smells. Take that given minute, hold onto it, and stamp it in my memory.

Slow down.

I only get my weekends for fun. 48 hours. 16 of them are spent sleeping (if we're lucky).

What's a girl to do? Run herself ragged trying to fill those short hours with activities, experiences, whatever I could think of...that's what. Of course.

And then I'd find myself exhausted with my head spinning on Sunday night, wholly unprepared for my upcoming week back at the office. Talk about starting off your week on the wrong foot.

This summer, I am promising myself that it's OKAY if we don't manage to fit in every single quintessential summer experience. I need to gently remind myself that the summer will not crumble before my very eyes if we don't manage to get to the beach, play in the pool at home, visit the park, go to the boardwalk, have a BBQ, and play play play all weekend. That kind of schedule would make anyone crazy, and doesn't make for a balanced, well-rested mom who is ready to bring on the new week by Sunday night.

Be present.
Slow down.

I'm sure we'll have our share of fun this summer, but I want it to come without a sense of urgency and disconnect. I want to wake up on Labor Day, look back, and remember the smiles, the giggles, and the joy.

My intention this week (and for the rest of the summer) is to slow down, be present, and savor.
I am beyond blessed to have been given these minutes.
Might as well truly embrace them.

My Health & Fitness Journey - The Beginning

I'm calling this the beginning of my adventure, because it is. I mean, if I'm truly going to be all about the mess in the middle, might as well be honest about it, right?

Let me paint a picture for you:

28 years old. Married mom of one amazing little girl. 9 to 5-er.

That’s me. But there’s also so much more.

Before I met my husband and had my daughter, I was “skinny fat.” I was thin, but I would DEFINITELY not call myself healthy by any means. I ate the wrong things at the wrong times, sometimes even skipped one or two meals a day, and never exercised. I was a binge drinker party animal. I had a lot of very unhealthy habits. I spent my time primping and fussing over my appearance and spent NO TIME caring about how I felt. In my head, looking skinny meant feeling good, but I didn’t realize how misguided I was.

Fast forward a year. I’m pregnant. I spent nine months of pregnancy basically eating anything I felt like eating and hardly exercising. I gained almost 100 pounds. I cringe when I admit this. Even still. Toward the end of my pregnancy, I started developing pre-eclampsia and had my baby a week early via a failed induction and an emergency c-section. I was thrilled to have a healthy baby girl, but disappointed in myself and in my body for failing me when it meant the most.

In August of 2013 my husband and I found out we were pregnant again! We were both so excited, and began telling our daughter about her soon-to-be baby brother or sister, who she promptly decided was a “baby brudder.” Things were going great, and I was due on May 16, 2014. At the 12 week mark, we shared the news with our friends and family. On November 1, 2013, I went into the doctor’s office for routine testing at 13 weeks and was told my baby’s heart stopped beating at 9 weeks and was classified as a “missed miscarriage.” I had a D&E a week later. Here we were again. I had been carrying my baby for a month with no signs of life and my body had failed me again, because I still felt pregnant! I was still feeling all the symptoms of pregnancy! It was the ultimate in unfairness, having a body that has failed me twice, in two very different ways. I was broken.

Fast forward a few more months. My sweet Peyton is a sassy, delightfully rambunctious little lady and mommy is still carrying around some (OK...a lot of) extra weight. We took a family vacation to Disney World in December of 2013. Walking around the park with all my extra weight was stifling. My legs rubbed together and chafed so badly they bled, and it hurt to walk the next day. My feet and legs ached from supporting my weight around the park. I was so bloated and uncomfortable that I cried during lunch that day--yes, crying over lunch in the middle of the happiest place on earth! What was supposed to be a happy time was a brutal reminder that I was simply not healthy.

When we got back on January 2, I told myself and my husband “NO MORE.” I was officially FED UP. I was putting an end to this feeling uncomfortable and unhappy and this time I was getting healthy, not just losing weight. I was doing this for me, for my husband, and for my daughter.

I began eating clean, and lost a few pounds after a few weeks. But I knew I needed to start exercising to really make that difference in the long run.

I contemplated joining a gym, but that wasn’t in the budget. I had joined a gym 2 years prior, but stopped going altogether after three months (and zero results) and wasted almost $500 on a membership contract I didn’t even use. Frustrating. Not to mention, I certainly could not afford personal training, and nothing is worse than wandering solo around a gym with no direction and no clue how to use the equipment to gain the results you need.

So, I started researching at-home workout programs and discovered Beachbody. I was familiar with Insanity and P90X, but knew that I would have to build to those programs (my fitness level was practically zero--I was winded walking up the stairs in my own home!). After settling on Focus: T25, I placed the order and began the program on March 17.

The first week of Alpha was hard (all those burpees? Yeah right, Shaun T!). The second week was much better, but still a struggle. But I was committed. I used the message boards on teambeachbody.com to keep myself accountable and provide motivation to others. I started seeing results, and I was thrilled.

Before: January 2014; After: May 2014

Before: January 2014; After: January 2015

I share the above before and after photos with you because honestly, the last progress photo of any sort was taken back in January. I finished T25 weighing 12 pounds less and down a total of 17 (!!!) inches. I have since completed a few rounds of 21 Day Fix, Les Mills Combat, PiYo, and Insanity Max: 30. 

I am down about 40 pounds since March 2014, but it hasn't been easy. I find myself in ruts, I find myself in a funk, I get bored. Sometimes I'll eat junk, just because it's there. My weight goes does up and down.

A lot of people make more progress than I have in less time. I won't deny that at all. But what I strive for is small steps with a firm belief in my "why". 

Why am I doing this? Why do I pack my food every day for work, and then come home after work and spend a half an hour to an hour every day sweating my tush off in my living room?

I'm doing this for my family. I'm setting the example for my daughter. And guess what? A full-time working mom can make it work. It's not happening overnight, it's not happening in a year and a half. But it's happening, because I've made the conscious decision to do it.

So, with everything, I find myself in the mess in the middle, but certainly wouldn't trade it, and I'm certainly not going back.

SundayThoughts: On Living Uncomfortably & This Week's Intention

I've been thinking lately about how I've been pushed in faith lately.

Pushed in a completely amazing direction, of course.

And when I say "in a completely amazing direction", I mean completely out of my comfort zone.

-------------------

In building my relationship with God, I've had conversations with Him that go a little something like this:

"God, I know I'm meant to do something crazy amazing in this life You gave me, but some direction would be nice."

And then I'd wait for like, 10 minutes for that epiphany to come.

I'd pour over Scripture, I'd meditate on it throughout the day. Inspiration. Guidance. Anything. I was looking for it. I was hungry for it. I hate to say it, but I was desperate for it.

I was horrifyingly impatient, a little bratty, and not allowing God's grace in my life. I tried to be in control, to force things to happen, and it just wasn't happening. I was trying to create life by MY design, and didn't let God show me HIS design.

So, I just stopped. I stopped forcing. I stopped pleading. I stopped arguing.

I got quiet. I trusted. I submitted. I opened my heart. And I started listening.

And slowly, inspiration was returning. New ideas, new directions.

But the thing is, these were scary ideas that I wasn't sure I was capable of putting into action, but they put a light in my heart and a fire in my belly. I knew these plans weren't anything I was capable of dreaming up on my own, and the vibration that resonated throughout my entire body told me that it was God who put these ideas in my head. 

I understand now that His design for me is greater than anything I could possibly dream up. I was writing out my monthly goals for the rest of the year and I realized that the plans He has inspired me to put into action are like nothing I have every accomplished in my entire life. The goals coming out on paper were things I wouldn't have even thought of back in April, hidden in the deep recesses of my mind, and my hand could hardly scribble them out fast enough before the next one was forcing its way out of my head and onto paper.

This boldness.

This bravery.

This...okayness with it.

Strange thing is, I would have been absolutely terrified by this had it happened even six months ago. But I'm okay with it. Because I DID pray for God to use me...I just didn't realize that once I opened up my heart to Him and stopped trying to FORCE things beyond my control to happen, lights would go off like a roman candle in the sky.

This roller coaster is God-given, and I am opening my heart and my mind and seeing it to the end. 

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; 

in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight."

Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV)

So while I am fighting the occasional "what if's" and "I can'ts" I am meditating on the message in this song, because a.) it's absolutely beautiful, and b.) it is speaking to me so hard right now. Go listen to it NOW.

So I will call upon Your name

And keep my eyes above the waves

When oceans rise

My soul will rest in Your embrace

For I am Yours and You are mine

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders

Let me walk upon the waters

Wherever You would call me

Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander

And my faith will be made stronger

In the presence of my Savior

-Hillsong United, Oceans

This week, my intention is to get comfortable being uncomfortable.

Sometimes what's best is hard, but putting my faith into this journey will make it less likely that I will stumble along the way.

Door to Door Organics: Wednesdays Are Still My Favorite Days

I wrote back in February about my new obsession with Door to Door Organics.

It's been about about five months since then, and I thought I'd write an update about our experiences. Changing seasons, changing harvests...a lot of things could have perceivably changed our perception on the service.

Well, we still LOVE it.

Wednesdays really are a joy to come home, because Peyton and I both love pulling in the driveway to my box waiting at home for us. We open the box together, we talk about what we got this week, and nine times out of ten, she is eating a piece of fruit within minutes of opening it.

Oh Door to Door Organics, how I love you so. Let me count the ways:

It gets my daughter excited about fruits and vegetables.

Speaking of my daughter, she can only bring fruits or vegetables to school for a snack (love her school!). I always have a fresh pieces of fruit handy, or I often sub in a 1 lb. bag of carrots and cut them up into carrot sticks myself.

It continues to save me time being annoyed by the lackluster selection of GOOD organic produce at my local grocery store,

It has allowed me to try foods I probably wouldn't have before. Beets? Swiss chard? YES.

Now that it has gotten warmer out, I was concerned about how my box would hold up in the heat until I could get home from work, but I have been pleased with how they carefully package my produce with ice packs so everything is fresh and not hot, soggy, or wilted.

The produce is always perfectly between not-overly-ripe or not-ripe-at-all, perfect for eating within a few days, and some of the stuff I've been able to keep for about a week.

One cantaloupe, 1 lb. carrots, 3 plums, 2 peaches, 2 tomatoes, 2 kiwi, 1 yellow onion, 1 head of lettuce, 2 zucchini...all organic, some local, and only $25.99. LOVE

I am very excited because we are finally getting to the point of the year that some of the produce in my box is LOCAL! I LOVE supporting local agriculture, so this is a huge plus for me. Like I said in my first post, it's just like a CSA, but with more flexibility.

The convenience of being able to sub out items in each shipment is awesome--I was able to get almost all of the fruits and vegetables I needed for Peyton's 4th birthday party last week in one box....again, saving me time at the grocery store.

Speaking of grocery stores, I've also tried out their grocery delivery service for a few things, which was AWESOME. The ordered items came with my box on my regularly scheduled day, and shipping was F-R-E-E.

Box cancellation is easy peasy. I have only cancelled a few times, often up until the last minute, with no problem.

The one time I had to call customer service, which I believe is based out in Colorado, I couldn't find my box outside (I know.). I was met with friendly service, returned phone calls, and offers to redeliver my produce ASAP. Luckily I found it and called them back to let them know...and was met with the same friendly warmth. We laughed together over my silliness, and that was that.

We are so pleased, I have no intention of stopping my deliveries any time soon. I am so hooked on the convenience and flexibility, it has been an absolute lifesaver for this busy mom.

Small boxes start at $25.99, which is what I get and usually lasts me anywhere from 4-7 days depending on what I get, with just a little supplementation from the produce store on my way home from work, or even adding a few of the grocery items from Door to Door Organics. If you are interested in trying it out and want to get $15 off your first box, shoot me an email!

**This is not a sponsored post. I purchase my produce every week with my own money, but like to share with my readers products and services that I love. If you do email me to get $15 off your first box, please know that it is a referral program and I earn $15 for each referral.**

That Time I Decided to Change It All Up

So...why is this space all new?

It's simple, and it's not.

I explained a lot of it in this post, but long story short, I was trying to be something I'm not. And I'm sure you've had experience on how it goes when you try to force something that just. is. not. happening.

It's exhausting.

And that's what I was doing. I'll own it.

I am not fitness machine.
I don't LOVE working out every day.
I don't LOVE eating vegetables all day.
I still can only do five solid push-ups on my toes before I have to take it to my knees.
And that's what I was trying to make this space. A place for fitspo, eating clean ALL THE TIME, and basically being a robot.

But that's not me, and trying to make that me was just another thing I was juggling.

So I took a break when the bottom fell out and I was just sick and tired of forcing it anymore, and I thought about who I REALLY was.

And here is what I know:
I'm a wife.
A mom.
A sister.
A daughter.
A friend.
A child of God.

source

I am all of these things, and I just want to make a difference in the world the best way I know how. If I can let one woman know that it's okay to have a bad day, to not be perfect all the time, to not put unnecessary pressure on themselves, then my job is done.

Life is messy (check it out in the header!), but I am going to love it anyway. I am all about bringing it in a REAL way. The good, the bad, the ugly. The days I skip my workouts, the days I eat junk. I'll be honest and real.

We all struggle. But I want it to not only be about the outcome, but enjoying the mess in the middle.

It's my hope that this space will be a safe space. For me, for you, for anyone who needs it. The This Misfit Mama Book Club is starting soon (click here for more info and to sign up!), I'll still be running my monthly boot camps, and I'll still have some fun free challenge groups every so often.

But really, I do hope you'll stick around. The best is really yet to come over here!

The This Misfit Mama Book Club is Coming!

I am so super stoked to present to you the This Misfit Mama Book Club!

(TMMBC for short, 'cause it's FUN.) 

It's my dream to create a safe space for women of all walks of life to join up in person, online, or via text message over a book that stretches the mind, brings you some knowledge, and inpsires you to live your best life.

It's a social group, it's a group to feel comfortable being a part of, it's a way to make new friends.

Our first month of TMMBC will start on July 1!

In the meantime, I'd like to pick your brain.

If you are interested in joining up with the Book Club, either in person or via Facebook group, please fill out this form below (or click the "Book Club" link under the header). It'll help give me an idea of who you are, what you'd like to see, and it will give me some direction. This form will be live until Saturday, June 20, and then will be replaced with a general sign-up form.

If you fill out the form, I'll assume you are interested in joining up with the Book Club and I will email you a link that will take you to the Facebook Group where the virtual awesomeness will happen. If you are local to the Atlantic County, NJ area, I will be posting once a month in the group about a local meet-up for discussion and some socializing. If you don't live locally, but have friends in your area, I encourage you to start your own meet-up!

The book announcement for our July read will be announced on Monday, June 22. This will hopefully give everyone enough time to hit up Amazon, your local bookstore, or the library for your copy of the book and we can all dive in together on Wednesday, July 1!

Please fill out the form as completely as you can. I'll love you forever if you do :)

Mission: Finding the Calm in the Crazy

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A fun fact about me: I put too much pressure on myself.

Another fun fact about me: the pressure I put on myself is ALWAYS the reason I completely lose it sometimes.

So I guess it's no big surprise that I've completely lost it for oh, I don't know...the last two months.

This concept of "having it all" is what always gets me. This struggle is positively never-ending for me. Deep down I KNOW it's not possible to have and do it all and I need to make peace with that, but I'm always doing the opposite. More is more, and less is less. If I am not going full throttle all the time, then I might as well just quit it already.

I am a master juggler. I think most women are.

My role as a wife.

My role as a mother.

My home.

My career.

My goals.

My health/wellbeing business.

Volunteer opportunities.

Social activities.

Juggle.

Juggle.

Juggle.

I really should run my own circus, because sometimes I impress myself with this freakshow of a juggling act I put on.

And then comes the inevitable moment when the bottom falls out and everything is scattered in a thousand different directions, and I am picking up the pieces and silently cursing myself for allowing it to happen. Again. Because it always happens. 

Too much pressure, too much perfectionism. Too much of too much.

I'm trying so hard to do it all that I let things slip.

I have to admit that my juggling act had failed me in a big way. I lost sight of my main vision, my why, my motivation. The rut in which I found myself was deep; and I was stuck. 

First and foremost to suffer was my own health. Workouts fell by the wayside, dinners got a little too convenient (i.e. not the freshest or healthiest), and I lost track of my own accountability. Instead of waking up for my quiet time each morning, I hit the snooze button two or three times and hit the ground running and five minutes late instead.

I've been neglecting my business in its very early baby-stages. Not focusing on who to help, or how to help. All the ideas I had been building up since March have gone POOF! and I find myself feeling less than inspired on building a strong community of mothers and women who build each other up.

I will say this, the day job and my family have not been neglected, so I guess there's that :) It is summer time; time for outside sunny days on the weekends, smiles and pool time, and snuggles that smell like sunscreen. I love this time of the year. If I had to choose between those moments and the time I spend behind a computer screen or my iPhone, I'd absolutely choose the former. But our schedules are busy, and things aren't always rainbows and butterflies. I'd be absolutely out of my mind to think so.

But now I am struggling to reintroduce some balance so I can find my own personal fulfillment in between all of the chaos. 

Mission: Finding Calm in the Crazy is officially a go.

Some things I've promised myself:

-7-8 hours of sleep every night.

-A workout scheduled at least five days a week.

-Waking early enough to create a clear mindset for my day.

-Having dedicated time for buidling my focus on my mission to help others.

-Spending one full weekend day unequivocally dedicated to my family. 

Some things I've got in the works for this space:

-A facelift for the blog. This might happen later rather than sooner.
-More about me as a person.

-Weekly reflections, intentions, and devotionals.

-MORE free challenge groups.

-Monthly 60-day boot camps.

-Support especially for moms.
-Fun things that I enjoy and would recommend.

-A book club devoted to reading books that create the best version of you.

I've been praying for grace, inspiration, and strength, and one day it hit me like a bag of bricks: God put me on this earth to do SOMETHING. I know this. We are all put here to do something. Sharing my weaknesses may help another woman realize that it's okay to have a bad day. It's okay to let the ball drop. It's okay to lose your footing. 

What matters is what happens AFTER you slip.

I also promise this, and I hope you'll make these promises with me:

-I will SLOW down.

-I will lighten up on myself, and others.

-I will stop chasing and trying to make things happen of my own accord, and instead pray that my strengths will develop naturally in a way that allows me to present my best self to others.

-I will quit the juggling freakshow.

Ultimately, this is putting faith in myself and in the plan God has for me. 

To quit trying to have it all, and know it's okay to let it go sometimes. 

To create a vibrant community that shows strength and grace.

So...here's the building each other up, together.