SundayThoughts: On Living Uncomfortably & This Week's Intention

I've been thinking lately about how I've been pushed in faith lately.

Pushed in a completely amazing direction, of course.

And when I say "in a completely amazing direction", I mean completely out of my comfort zone.

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In building my relationship with God, I've had conversations with Him that go a little something like this:

"God, I know I'm meant to do something crazy amazing in this life You gave me, but some direction would be nice."

And then I'd wait for like, 10 minutes for that epiphany to come.

I'd pour over Scripture, I'd meditate on it throughout the day. Inspiration. Guidance. Anything. I was looking for it. I was hungry for it. I hate to say it, but I was desperate for it.

I was horrifyingly impatient, a little bratty, and not allowing God's grace in my life. I tried to be in control, to force things to happen, and it just wasn't happening. I was trying to create life by MY design, and didn't let God show me HIS design.

So, I just stopped. I stopped forcing. I stopped pleading. I stopped arguing.

I got quiet. I trusted. I submitted. I opened my heart. And I started listening.

And slowly, inspiration was returning. New ideas, new directions.

But the thing is, these were scary ideas that I wasn't sure I was capable of putting into action, but they put a light in my heart and a fire in my belly. I knew these plans weren't anything I was capable of dreaming up on my own, and the vibration that resonated throughout my entire body told me that it was God who put these ideas in my head. 

I understand now that His design for me is greater than anything I could possibly dream up. I was writing out my monthly goals for the rest of the year and I realized that the plans He has inspired me to put into action are like nothing I have every accomplished in my entire life. The goals coming out on paper were things I wouldn't have even thought of back in April, hidden in the deep recesses of my mind, and my hand could hardly scribble them out fast enough before the next one was forcing its way out of my head and onto paper.

This boldness.

This bravery.

This...okayness with it.

Strange thing is, I would have been absolutely terrified by this had it happened even six months ago. But I'm okay with it. Because I DID pray for God to use me...I just didn't realize that once I opened up my heart to Him and stopped trying to FORCE things beyond my control to happen, lights would go off like a roman candle in the sky.

This roller coaster is God-given, and I am opening my heart and my mind and seeing it to the end. 

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; 

in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight."

Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV)

So while I am fighting the occasional "what if's" and "I can'ts" I am meditating on the message in this song, because a.) it's absolutely beautiful, and b.) it is speaking to me so hard right now. Go listen to it NOW.

So I will call upon Your name

And keep my eyes above the waves

When oceans rise

My soul will rest in Your embrace

For I am Yours and You are mine

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders

Let me walk upon the waters

Wherever You would call me

Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander

And my faith will be made stronger

In the presence of my Savior

-Hillsong United, Oceans

This week, my intention is to get comfortable being uncomfortable.

Sometimes what's best is hard, but putting my faith into this journey will make it less likely that I will stumble along the way.