That Time I Got a Tattoo

If you ran into me last week, you'd probably assume that I was up to my ears in an early mid-life crisis. 

Joined a small group personal training gym. 

Went out with a girlfriend on Saturday night and stayed out until 2:00 AM. 

Got a tattoo.

I am tired just recounting all of it here. By Sunday night I was begging for the sweet release of bedtime and I could barely keep my little old eyeballs open on Monday afternoon. 

But anyway, I got a tattoo.

Brand new--after I unwrapped it on Saturday night.

This isn't my first tattoo (it's my third), but this one might be my most favorite yet because it speaks volumes to me at this particular time in my life, but will also serve as a good (read: permanent) reminder when the dust of this storm has settled a bit.

You see, I have a tendency to need to be in control of all. the. things. My schedule, how my time is spent, my emotions, situations--maybe I should say it's less of a "control" thing and more of a "have a grasp" thing. I like to know what's coming. I like to know that I know what next Tuesday at 6 PM will look like. I like that security.

Curveballs are not my favorite.

Which is why I find it so incredibly ironic that I am being pitched curveball after curveball and I am swinging blindly. And it is not pretty.

There have been tears. There has been anger. There has been a whole world of hurting. And I am hacking away, trying to get through the mess I'm in, and not really taking the time to steady myself and fix my eyes where they belong.

I need to be still. I need to know who is in control (and it's not me!).

The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still. - Exodus 14:14 (NIV)

He says, "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." - Psalm 46:10 (NIV)

And then back to the beginning of Psalm 46: God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging." (Psalm 46:1-3, NIV)

These verses give me a lot of peace. And remind me that God is so awesome, because He's a fighter. No mountains crumbling, depths of the oceans, or something as silly (in the grand scheme of things) as divorce gives me no cause for fear. I don't have to fight. It's not my place. But God? God is so awesome because when there's trouble, God's got this--I just need to take a second, breathe, and quit my own bumbling and fumbling and fix my eyes where they belong--on Him.