On Stasis & Soul

I am feeling very stuck.

Not necessarily in a bad way, though. Things are normal. Even keel. Same old, same old.

Routine is routine. And I guess that's great and all. I thrive on solid routines.

But but but.

I am feeling wholly uninspired and stagnant and it all just feels so...icky.

I have had several near-breakthroughs in the last six weeks. Fleeting moments of sparked joy and purpose and the lightness that comes with a "yes, this is it!" feeling and then...nothing.

Silence.
No flames.
No sparks.
Just...ick.

Everything just kind of feels like that black and white fuzz you used to get on old TVs. Like maybe there's a picture there behind all that fuzz? But it's all distorted and weird and you can't really tell what the heck is going on.

And now I can feel that feeling manifesting physically, which is really THE WORST. I feel tired and lethargic. Just "meh". Very low vibe. No bueno.

Clarity.
Purpose.
Soul.
Community.
Momentum.

I am craving all of it, but I can't for the life of me visualize a viable way to create these things in my life, and do it consistently. I feel so. damn. close...yet still so far.

Stasis: another word for equilibrium. And also the conductor of my own personal struggle bus--because I am in a funk of the most epic proportions right now.

I sit here and wonder if the universe put me here to really shake things up and make a difference somehow. I feel called. But how? Where do I start? There is zero clarity. It's so frustrating.

Finding that thing, MY thing that really sets my soul on fire. I need me some of that.

This is all so millennial of me, isn't it?

Gross.