That Time I Went Whole 30 - Days 3-7

So much for writing every day!

I am pleased to announce we made it through the weekend relatively unscathed and still going strong with this Whole 30 experiment. It wasn't without its struggles, which I will briefly outline here in a tidy list of bullet points. There were also some sweet victories.

Notes from the field:

Day 3 (Friday)
-Bathroom issues have started resolving themselves. It is both terrifying and amazing.

-I was feeling very encouraged after Day 2's dinner success. I was even feeling so bold that I attempted a meal on not one, but TWO unsuspecting children that involved chicken, almond meal, and unsweetened coconut flakes. This was inherently risky because one child rejects any chicken that does not hail from Chick Fil A, and the other does not like coconut. Good news: both enjoyed it immensely and I relished telling them what they had eaten once they had cleared their plates. Their reactions were priceless. This continues to gives me hope.

-Prepping our food for the next day the night before makes our morning exponentially better. It makes me wonder why I don't do these things every night, and then I remind myself that I am horrifically lazy sometimes.

-I was anxious about going into the weekend without a usual liquor store pit stop, but it turns out ginger kombucha and lime La Croix tastes pretty darn close to a Moscow Mule sans vodka. This pleases me. I'm not entirely sure mocktails fit in with the spirit of Whole 30, but I don't care. I am thriving over here on fermented tea.

-Walt suggested I play hooky on Tuesday and have a day date that involves Whole Foods! Whole 30 truly is the gift that keeps on giving.

Day 4 (Saturday)
-My sleep has been very restful. I wake up and don't feel foggy or lethargic. This is nice.

-Novelty has worn off for the girls. I heard several times throughout the day that they hated the Whole 30 even though they had been eating crap all day, and then it finally culminated in my daughter rolling up her bedroom rug and telling me she was moving because I make her eat too much chicken.

-The girls had a tea party that involved Easy Bake Oven baked goods. I have never wanted questionable cakes baked under a lightbulb more in my entire life. Walt keeps bringing to my attention that I am a little whiny about foods I can't eat, especially considering they are foods I would normally never touch. I want to bite him, too.

-I had a hard time falling asleep because my anxiety was a bit ratcheted up. I thought about reaching over and popping a couple of my melatonin gummies to help me along, but I realized they were a no-no.

Day 5 (Sunday)
-I did eventually fall asleep, and it was another solid night of sleeping like the dead. I am not mad about this.

-I had my first food dream which involved hoovering chocolate covered Oreos and then crying because I ruined my Whole 30. I guess this beats my food dreams that I had last time I attempted this, which involved Tostitos tortilla chips (which are gross anyway)...but I was afraid would resurface this time to include Jean-Claude Van Damme in a dress trying to sell chips to me and telling me Melissa Hartwig is a liar.

-Food shopping on a Sunday afternoon is the pits. Food shopping on a Sunday afternoon on an empty stomach with no list because you left it in the car and are too stubborn to go back and get it is even worse. Food shopping with all that PLUS a seven year old who is completely in Whole 30 rebellion is REALLY even worse. I bought Slim Jims to placate her. I want to eat them.

-I made these lettuce wraps for dinner and they were nothing short of amazing. The Eagles won and it was nothing short of amazing. Philadelphia QB controversy is not amazing.

-By Sunday night I am feeling very clear-headed. Perhaps that has something to do with foregoing my usual weekend nightcaps that include vodka.

Day 6 (Monday)
-Bloat is gone. Praise.

-We are very tired of doing dishes. Our dishwasher is running almost every day, completely full. My hands are super dry and permanently wrinkled due to being submerged in soapy water for what feels like an hour every night. It might be time to invest in gloves.

A common sight just about every single day now.

-My daughter ate a meatball that contained minced mushrooms. She started dissecting one and asked what a piece of mushroom was. I told her it was seasoning. I do not feel bad about this because I do not negotiate with terrorists.

Day 7 (Tuesday)
-Epic bougie date day with Walt! We drove 40 minutes away and went to Trader Joe's where they were disappointingly sold out of cauliflower gnocchi, but we did find a lemon ginger sparkling water that is amazing. We also stopped at Whole Foods and spent more time reading labels and dissecting a product's level of Whole 30 compliance. Walt would hand me an item and ask, "Is this okay?" I would read the ingredients and after a while I would put it back on the shelf without even saying anything, because I knew he would start flailing in the aisle in disappointment.

-We did, however, make an amazing dinner together at home which involved ahi tuna steaks, shrimp, roasted cabbage slices, air-fried yucca, and an arugula salad. I feel like I need to point out that I am very much not a creative in the kitchen, but I find peace in the fact that other people are, are very open about it on the internet, and I can take advantage of their culinary prowess.

-HOWEVER, I was able to create my own mustard and ginger vinaigrette that went great on the cabbage and the salad, and whipped up a marinade/pan sauce for the shrimp that involved coconut aminos, ginger, spicy chile sauce, garlic, and sesame seed oil. At this point I feel like we should open our own bougie restaurant here in podunk South Jersey where we can't have nice things like Trader Joe's or Whole Foods or healthy, quick food options in general. We'd fold in six months, but it would be a fun ride.

-I would say I am owning it in the kitchen, but apparently I need to work on my knife skills because my hands are covered in tiny cuts that I keep giving myself. Today's new cut comes from the spiralizer. Sharp objects are not my friend. At our restaurant you'd be eating dishes seasoned with tiny drops of my blood.

-After cleaning up tonight's dinner, I consulted with my meal plan and noticed that we are having lemon and garlic chicken thighs with roasted potatoes and green beans for dinner tomorrow night. I'm wondering if I should preemptively pull out a suitcase for Peyton this time as she is still hoping to spark the revolt over chicken consumption in this house.

Viva la revolucion.

Go back:
Prep
Day 1
Day 2